WASHINGTON, D.C. — It was the biggest Texas Map Contest ever, and the Republicans won the Grand Prize. The Supreme Court put its foot down this week, telling Democrats they have to accept the new Texas election map. The map is really good for Republicans, and the Democrats are stamping their feet because they lost the contest and look silly.
Here is the simple version: Republicans drew the map so cleverly that they are now set to win up to 30 of the state’s 38 seats! That’s a huge, amazing victory for team Red!
Democrats instantly started screaming that the map was racist. They always do this when they can’t win. But the Supreme Court told them: “Nope. The map is just partisan. That means the Texas guys were just trying to help their own team win. That’s allowed in politics, sweetie!”
The Democrats tried to argue that drawing lines where people of different skin colors live is cheating. But the judges said the map drawers weren’t thinking about skin color; they were just thinking about winning big and making President Trump happy. This is a very tricky difference that only smart grown-ups understand, but the result is the same: the Republicans are now ahead.
One liberal judge started whining that the ruling was unfair to people who were “assigned to their new districts based on their race.” But most of the conservative judges just rolled their eyes and said it was too late to change the rules right before the next election. Basically, they told the Democrats to go get a participation trophy and be quiet.
The Democrats really, really hate this map because they are terrible at drawing their own maps, and they are even worse at winning elections in Texas. They now have to sit and watch the Republicans likely win five more seats, which makes their bosses in D.C. very, very sad. The Supreme Court basically gave the Democrats a tissue and said, “Better luck next time, now get off our lawn.”
At publishing time, Democrats were busy painting their own faces blue to complain about the Supreme Court says stop crying ruling, but they still weren’t able to figure out how to win in Texas.
